Amanda
I never quite fit in any conventional mold. A bit of an introverted child, I preferred the forest and my pets over playing with toys and being in large groups.
My feelings were always very big and sometimes I felt misunderstood because of them. The main feelings were nervousness, terror, and paranoid thinking. I kept this to myself because I sensed there was not capable support from the adults around me, some of whom had mental health issues of their own.
I could sense - and sometimes see- beings in other dimensions, or energies that no one could else could see. I felt as though I was living "in between worlds", which felt extremely isolating.
My teenage years were spent dealing with symptoms of chronic depression, binge-eating disorder, body dysmorphia, self-harm (cutting), addiction to food, over-sleeping to escape reality, stomach problems that no one could seem to diagnose, and very low energy... all ongoing for years. I had sleep paralysis which was very frightening, and had trouble relating and having fun with my peers because I always felt terrible- like I wanted to escape my own uncomfortable body. I was put on many anti-depressants, none of which helped me, but rather caused side effects such as feeling numb, becoming more tired, and weight gain.
In my twenties, and into my thirties, I found myself in a co-dependant long-term relationship which sometimes involved physical violence.
I had a Near Death Experience in 2017 which temporarily transported my awareness "home": a spiritual dimension I was suddenly very familiar with but had forgotten. I encountered what I call "Presence", the presence of higher dimensional beings, or perhaps an aspect of God. This NDE initiated a radical shift to minimalism, where I sold my home and all belongings to live from a suitcase and travel abroad long term. I found myself leaving the long term relationship and my 13 year career as a Paramedic within the year after the accident. Many relationships fizzled as they had been built on co-dependency which no longer felt alright to me.
Minimalism has shown me that all those material things that I thought would keep me happy are actually not necessary at all. The values of "home" and God-Presence in my NDE had little to do with the values of modern Earth life and society's values. Not only the material stuff, but things like fitting into the mold what others expect, following trends, competing for recognition, comparison to other people's lives, people-pleasing in order to not feel lonely... these things actually were getting in the way of following my soul.
Dark nights of the soul, and the re-emergence of old traumas have been strong forces in the after-math of my NDE. My first Dark night of the Soul lasted 2-3 years roughly. My teen years' eating disorder came back 20 years later and so did my stomach issues, which I had ssumed I'd "grown out of". I didn't want to see anyone socially, and I had great difficulty making any spiritual connection. Did my NDE even happen as I remembered? Because in the Dark night of the Soul it seemed like a distant memory. I know now Dark Nights of the Soul do not last forever, just long enough to get the work done. When they show up now, sometimes in shorter waves they still feel like tight squeezes but I know they don't last forever. I understand it's a disinfecting process of some old residual wounds, and we all know that feels terrible. The sun will rise.
After emerging from a period of darkness and temporary disconnection, I have noticed treasures have come with me. Newfound senses of creativity, confidence, or an enhanced understanding of human pain. More silence. More stilless. New ability to holding the passage of emotional pain, like a mother holds a child, instead of running the other way. Becoming the parent I always wanted... to myself. A stronger sense of being in charge of my state of mind and my own energy, regardless of what shows up in the outside world.
I am passionate about coming alongside people experiencing spiritual awakenings. It's important to not be alone in these precious tender processes.
My coaching style is less about "material-world" goal setting. It's more about offering a place of being witnessed and heard while you move through what is present and discover who you are becoming. I am not a therapist or a counselor. I am a coach who wants you to see your light. Gifts and purpose cannot help but to spill naturally over into the physical world in this precious process.
Weird is wonderful. Quirks are divine. Oddities are a key to discovering our miraculous nature
Near-Death Experience
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