In one instant it all changed. I went "home" when I popped out of the body to the most familiar place I can possbily describe during my NDE/OBE, where I suddenly felt known and complete. The presence of God, a sense of being surrounded by many higher dimensional beings or angels, the experience of bliss, very deep safety and security, and the beings there which I couldn't identify but only feel, knew me and I knew them, better than I've known anybody on planet Earth. They didn't feel judgemental, just welcoming, accepting, and curious about my reaction to being there maybe, a bit excited to re-unite. It makes sense that this was the beginning of an afterlife journey, the tip of the iceberg, becuase I was not actually gone very long. Never before or since have I felt so much belonging in the universe. Nothing comes close for me-- meditations, plant medicines, cannabis, dreams, nothing quite like this.  

 

My life at the time: I was not interested in spirituality. I was interested in material world things only.  My reputation and being well-liked. Fitting in. Getting by. That's it. 

Within 6 months to a year of that accident, I left my partner of 13 years, my healthcare career of 12 years, I sold my house, all my belongings except a suitcase. I de-activated Facebook, Instagram. I lived 2 years in my campervan. Massive withdrawl from the ordinary world, from the social realm. Mostly in nature, and then when they starting locking borders in Canada at Covid, I sold the van and moved to Mexico and I have not returned to Canada. 

Coming close to death changed the way I looked at everything around me and led me to realize I wasn't really living my own life, I was following my culture's template. I became committed to letting go of attachments and possessions. I started to question Western society's values not only on an intellectual level, but in a way that motivated me to take actions based on my intuition instead of mainstream culture. I started to see that my qualities and character needed ongoing attention, and are truly the most valuable things I have because I was unable to take the rest of my material stuff with me out of the body. I had a split second but seemlingly long moment where I was in the presence of Divinity, and I will never be the same because I know now from experience that we are aware and conscious once we leave the body. I also believe that you shouldn’t have to experience the near miss that I did to reset your life and transform your mind. 

When I re-arranged this physical stuff then the co-dependant friendships and family connections came up for reckoning, all the relationships based on gossip, complaining, and the inability to be alone. So my circle decreased very fast. Not only that, people thought I was odd, and I get it, I was a bit ungrounded. All that mattered to me was properly preparing for death becuase out of the body like that, my bank account and my physical appearance and my success just did not matter. All that mattered was my heart, and the state of my lightbody, that's true currency I realized.

The bliss stopped, about 2 years after the accident, then a couple dark night of the souls, and the long quiet road forward. 

My body changed. I feel massive pain in my body if I dont' tell a full truth or start doing something inauthentic. I might still do it, but my whole body erupts in physical pain. If a physical geographical location has some lingering negative energy I get nauseaus, and I don't go in cities anymore very much because of this. Sometimes I get nauseaus around electronics, if a lot of electronics are on in a room. 

I started really observing mine and others' fears in a more obvious way. Fear of going against the crowd, sharing their spontaneity (if it makes them stand out), shining brightly in their gifts and talents, either not wanting to look egotistical so staying "humble" or not thinking they have anything worth sharing. 

World dramas... the way people see authority figures at every level as being superior to them. How deep the fear of authority runs in people. Some people regard themselves as inferior even if they are more intuitive and wise. From politics, even down to, for example, a praying grandmother with intuitive earth knowledge who considers her church minister to be god-like and much more important than she... maybe he's got some book knowledge while she's brimming with wisdom, experience, and incredible advice... but she cannot see this at all. 

The shadow self? More welcome now. I'm often shy. I sometimes repress my anger. People-please? Absolutely, I'm recovering! A tendancy to harshly judge? Check. Playing the victim? Many times! Plus plenty more "irrational" desires and attachments. In the shadow lives all the things we over-compensate for and pretend we don't have. But when they become plainly obvious to oneself, in a spiritual unfolding, they no longer can hide. Its time to tenderly hold them, support them, and understand them all with the greatest possible tenderness; after all there is no night without day here on planet Earth. People like to think only the light is spiritual. The more we can face and own what is dark, the more capacity we have to hold the light. Let us walk each other home to completion without shame for any of these hidden aspects. 

The underworld type of experiences that have come...past life memories where I made big mistakes. Being in a sucking black void -- on a cellular level that felt like the verge of extinction during an Ayahuasca ceremony and not knowing how to manage, and then remembering the heart center (finally) and doing my best to retreat into that place, later realizing that love and the heart is all that's real. Christ, (not in a religious sense -- but the organic, dynamic force that settled in a great way in Jesus the man) and the great heart of the Universe, that's all that matters... the fire inside, because the outer transitory world we just are not taking with us out of the body.

Deeper Dimensions of the Heart

In the years following my experience of the car accident,  more higher dimensional visits have taken place a handful of times seemingly out of the blue, usually just when I am falling asleep. I mention them here because although they were not as full-on as this dramatic event on the road, they had a striking similarity. The result of these visits was again a reminder of who I really am, how much I am loved, how much the only "real" part of me is love.  

I call them these places heart chambers, beyond time and space. Beyond a physical body. Not the "astal realm"/4th dimension where people traverse at will, but with the same quality of the realm of my NDE and with the tremendous presence always more to me real than my bed and house. After the visits finish, I am completely overcome with emotion and crying, feeling my physical heart area buzzing with warmth, and the experience energetically of being hugged by everyone who has ever cared for me, all at once. 

I believe many NDEs are actually visits to these realms of the heart to invisible realms which are vast and I personally have only touched the surface of. 

Studying esoteric from both East and West I would like to share from a more structured angle more about the heart.
 

The heart dimensions are a shortcut and focusing on this will accelerate your practice. A shortcut because the secrets of the heart are the goal of all forms of knowledge. 

You will have your own way in. 

A few things that have been helpful, in case any of them click for you:

A hand-on-heart, soft, velvety, contented, perhaps building a bees-buzzing sensation. Using loving thoughts towards yourself, and perhaps calling in spirits/angels of soul warmth to assist you.

Teacher Gigi Young suggests having zero expectations about what will exactly open.  

Everyone has a different unfolding process, all we can do is fully feel everything along the way even when we want to close our heart or hurry it up.  Push to keep it open anyhow. 

She says to saturate yourself in any knowledge you're drawn to about the heart center.

If it resonates with you, keep something related to roses in your house, such as drinking rose tea, smelling some rose oil, etc. (Rose works by opening a contracted heart, or removing situations/people that do not support our self-love, hence the thorns). Ceremonal cacao is another one, if it's prepared consciously and intentions are put into it by you. If it's activiated, you will feel it in the heart area, and then you can go from there into your mediation. 

Guides would be individuals such as Aphrodite, Mary, Christ. Since Mary and Christ came in a later time period when humans were starting to go within more, they will have different aspects (such as the sacred heart), than Aphrodite, (joy, justice, beauty) which you'll notice. 

If you like Jung's work this is nice.  Although a bit academic, I love that the author calls the heart the "Alchemical Womb of the Philosopher's Stone." The reason I love this article is because when I found it, I kept nodding and smiling becuase it was describing some of the heart chambers really accurately that I'd visited!

Why couldn't I keep going deeper and deeper? The human being's light body, if on a spiritual path, is currently in the process of unraveling illusions, false and limiting beliefs, self hatred, imposter syndomes, fear of being different, etc. What holds us back is our heaviness of what we still carry, and attachments, which is why we continue with our "work". It can be a bit of a battleground when diving into the heart practice becuae we can come face to face with these things. Uncomfortable yes, becuase the conscous meets the unconscious at a certain point, but an opportunity to understand and let go, at our own pace. 

This is one possible invocation, which you might liten to while you prepare your cacao, set up your meditation space, or fall asleep.

Translation-- Open your heart / Open Up Feeling / Open Understanding / Set Reason Aside / And let the sun shine / Hidden inside you / Open Up Ancient Memory / Hidden in the earth / On the Plants / Under fire

To silence the mind and submit it to the heart, the simple bowing of one's head and hands in prayer position at heart center is a quite poweful posture. This comes from Hesychasm, a mystical tradition of ancient Christianity in the East. 

Traditional Yoga postures such as any bridge pose variation help open a constricted heart, if you have contraction going on you'll feel a stretch around the heart while holding this posture that might be uncomfortable so stop at your edge. 

My favorites from around the world

East: "The heart, understood as Brahma himself, the abode of all things, the support of all things, the heart, the supreme Brahma."

West: "There are rough and uneven precipices. But there is also God, also the angels, the life and the Kingdom, and the apostles, the treasures and all these things.

Sufism: "Heavenly visions are bathed in extraordinary light. But heaven is a prison for the Sufi, for who wants the garden when they can have the Gardener?"

We desire Union more than Illumination. 

Best,

Amanda

💗"Not just any heart, a warm one."